From Tami's journal, posted by Janna
I have so many fears as I am about to start 3rd line chemotherapy. I am so grateful that I am not left alone with my fears. As I go through each one, one by one, I know I will be able to do this, fear and all. The One who strengthens me is ever at my side. I know there will be that time of peace and calm assurance - I will not be overwhelmed. It just feels that way right now.
There is a common thread as I read back through this journal of my journey - fear and belief. It almost seems like a game of tennis. But the times of fear are so much less; however, the fears are still felt profoundly, when I cannot see past the present pain and disappointment! I need to view this through God's eyes - then I see hope and relief.
When the storms of life approach - the Big Ones, the Ones we cannot handle on our own, the real disasters, we can fun around like chickens with our heads cut off (sorry chickens). We look for help to and rely on "horses and multitudes of chariots" (Isa. 31:1 and Psalm 20:7). This doctor, that treatment, if only there was money for that cancer center. All the time we frantically looking God just wants us to look to Him; call on Him. A mother was holding her son and told him a big storm was coming. She asked if he was afraid and he looked over at his dad, so strong and tall, and asked, "Is it bigger than daddy?". Nothing, nothing is too big for our Father. No amount of money or resources - just our Father is needed. Cancer pounds you with a million different hammer blows - but I have the last word as to how those blows will shape me. "Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)