Climbing Mountains of Fear

Posted by Janna from Tami's journal.


I am facing the mountain again.  As I look up at the impossible task of conquering this climb, I almost despair.  Chemo is a huge hurdle; a huge mountain I must climb.  All too often it is a mental challenge…I need to climb beyond the physical issues of my illness.  My mental and emotional health has a big impact on my well-being.  My spiritual self suffers as well.  Sometimes I feel alone and abandoned.  I need to climb beyond this, this time.  Monday is coming…my mountain looms.  I must run towards the Giant, not away from it.

Duet 4:9, this promise was given to me this day, 4/27/10!  I receive it!  I will make known to my children and my children’s children how loving and awesome is our God :-).  Cancer has served its purpose; it brought me back to my purpose in life.  God, family, friends and focus.  I feel incredibly threatened and desperately vulnerable because of this disease.  Sometimes I feel like I can’t possibly matter to God; I feel so alone and so abandoned.  I need to hold onto His promises of eternal love, that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  How wonderful to feel so loved.  So many are praying for me – what peace and hope that imparts to me.  I am a survivor!  Each day that I live, I have beat this cancer for that day.

Conquered the mountain yet again!  Thank you, Lord, for sending your angels of mercy – I felt them with me.  I am grateful for focus and renewed purpose.  I am grateful that I can encourage others.  This path takes work and discipline…I discover new joys each day.  God never asks us to do the impossible.  I can climb that mountain…not just to psych myself up, but believing that when I am weak, He is strong!  The valleys we enter on this cancer journey are very deep, dark and distressing.  Fear can be a constant in our lives.  I choose to remember today, I am never alone.  My circumstances can cause my level of trust to waiver wildly from day to day, BUT God never turns from me – He understands.  This profound darkness brings many hidden fruits we would have had otherwise.  So I can be grateful, even for this disease.