Awfulizing

Awfulizing.  I read that term more than a year ago in the first book on cancer that I had ever read ( I could stock a small library with the books I have now!)  It was if this man, who write this book, was in my head.  He knew exactly how I felt and what I was going thru.  I will always be grateful to him for writting this book. 
It is very easy to awfulize everything about cancer...what's fun about it? It is that theif in the night (John 10:10) that only comes to kill and destroy. I did begin to realize that if I were going to survive, there were a lot of things I needed to change.  A lot! I was determined to stop awfulizing and get on with the fight.  I needed a warriors attitude; tough minded, fiesty, maybe even sassy at times.  This is a 'me' that few people know.  My parents, my sisters, my best friend.  I decided that I would be a survivor...for how ever many more years that Lord gives to me.
I have also learned that the very most important part of healing would be spiritual....not chemo, not radiation, not nutrition, not exercise.  All of these things are good and are needed, but our spirit...can't scrimp on that, it is our ultimate home! I was still working thru some tough years that had left me weary; I lost my spiritual self for a while.   This always leads to voids that we try to fill, but ultimately end up in sadness, frustration, anger. Even anger at God.  As if somehow He had caused all that pain and sorrow, turning away.  He hadn't.  He promises He never will.  I let the sorrows and pain of this world turn mine.  Now that is something to awfulize about!
So, our utmost focus must be spiritual.  After all, we are spiritual beings.  Good thing too as I was meeting with a 2nd oncologist...getting another opinion.  Gearing up for yet another battle, my 'team' was ready, every person knowing their job! Now that is a good place to be in!

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